Dramatis Personae

ALEX                    Short and overly confident, with a
                        predilection for peacockery. An anal
                        control freak, but constantly claims
                        otherwise. Classic Napoleonic
                        overcompensation complex.

JESS                    Tallest character by far. Physical
                        movements often wildly exaggerated and
                        performed with rapid velocity. Always
                        wearing the same outfit (brown hoodie
                        and khaki pants) but underneath are
                        multiple layers of various clothes,
                        constantly changing.

EL PODEROSO             A recent model Chevy C2 with the
                        "Comfort" trim level. Frail looking
                        but courageous, fancies himself the
                        modern reincarnation of Che. Starts
                        off wearing an immaculate white
                        jacket, white pants, and white
                        ostrich-skin boots.

EL IPODITO              Short and squatty, wearing an outfit
                        exactly the opposite of EL PODEROSO;
                        his boots are black caiman. Possesses
                        an inordinately loud singing voice.

EL PEE                  Lonely Planet guidebook, dressed like
                        Ask Jeeves butler (although the tux
                        starts off slightly frayed and by the
                        end is completely tattered and in
                        shambles), always at the ready with
                        wacky irreverent quips and useless
                        maps.

RAYMOND                 Indie-rocker-Asian-playboy-member-of-
                        the-Chinese-mafia-slightly-rough-around-
                        the-edges-but-in-an-endearing-way-not-
                        uncouth-way-mildly-hyperactive type of guy.

MARISCOS                Various delicious looking creatures
                        from the sea.

LA POLICIA              Gruff looking and squat. Wearing Gap
                        hoodies and large guns.

RABID WOLVERINES        Raucous, prone to violence; reside in both
                        ALEX'S and JESS' stomachs.

JOHN MAYER              Curly haired, somewhat effete looking.