half-assing it

Today, from the “Alex’s pet peeves file”, I bring you a thought that has been bugging me for a while that I figure I’d share with you, because as they say, misery (or annoyance) loves company.

Anyone who’s used a public restroom lately has probably seen the slightly newish no-touch paper towel dispensers, wherein you wave your hand in front of the sensor and it feeds out a patch of dead tree with which to dry your hands. Auto-hand dryers have been around forever, touchless faucets too, and at work, they recently installed a soap dispenser that automatically squirts goopy glycerin product into your paws.

So why is it, that in our Lysol-sponsored-germ-free-autoclave-jr-hypochondriac’s-wet-dream world do all of these Stanley-Kubrick-meets-Douglas-Coupland-(with-a-touch-of-Ridley-Scott)-touch-free bathrooms have a PULL HANDLE on the door to exit?

Either omit the door completely (like in airports), add an automatic door (like a supermarket if you have mind of a dullard or like in Star Trek if Tina Fey is your dream date), or maybe just get rid of all the stupid half-assed touch-free appliances whose benefit is entirely nullified when Jim Bob Jimmy Joe John Jimmy James drops a gigantor deucer and gropes, paws, and molests the door handle as he rushes out to complete his loser trifecta bet on Pie in the Sky, I Hate Poor People, and Hoof Harted, without ever even once contemplating washing his grubby mitts.

Anything else is just wankery.