alex chiang: web 6.0

Hola todos,

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve written last. Even so, this
correspondence will be the abridged version since a) I’m tired
and sleep-deprived due to not having anything resembling a normal
schedule in the past 4 days and b) I’m rather annoyed that my
last attempt at emailing ended in dismal failure after my
connection died one hour into the composition. So now, dear
reader, we must both sigh and wonder at what might have been.
(trust me, it would have been *awesome*).

In any case, Buenos Aires is now but a fading and distant memory.
We spent a few crazy thirty-six hours painting the town red with
our friend from Ft. Collins, Rob Knapik, who is a great guy and
one who makes you think, upon meeting him, “Gee, this fellow is
going to go places. Like jail, perhaps.”

Ha ha! Just kidding of course! Knapik is good people, and is in
Argentina to study cosmic rays in the Mendoza province (and if
you know anything about quirky queerness of quantum physics, you
will not be at all surprised to learn that Mendoza is where all
the Argentinian wine comes from).

We spent a bit sweating on the subway (called Subte) and a few
hours lazing about throwing a disc in the botannical gardens.
After a short siesta we were ready for dinner — at 11:30 pm.

The food situation deserves some discussion. Most Argentines
don’t eat breakfast, have a mid-morning snack of empanadas, eat
lunch around 1 or 2, and then are ready for dinner in the late
evening. Nine pm would be considered an early dinner and 10 seems
to be about the average. Portions are ridiculously Brobdingnagian
in size and seem to be divided equally between actual food and
butter. It’s a coronary surgeon’s delight down here; in short, my
type of folk. Even so, at times it can be a bit much, and this is
coming from a guy who once tried to eat every item on the Wendy’s
value menu in one sitting (and failed in a spectacular shower of
vomit, but that is not the point here).

Regardless, we left the restaurant at one in the morning, bloated
beyond belief, and proceeded directly to a nearby Irish bar with
the intention of stalling for time before heading out to the
discoteques. Unfortunately, it turns out that there have been
several horrible night club incidents where multiple (like 200)
people have died due to lacking fire precautions. Nowadays, all
the discos are closed while the city tries to figure out how to
prevent this from happening anymore (here’s a hint: less
corruption).

Since the discos were closed, the next obvious solution was to
befriend the waiter and get ourselves invited to his apartment
along with all his amigos and continue to dance and drink and
blast ear-shattering music until 6:30 AM until realizing that
taking a flight a mere nine hours later with a hangover would
suck royally. With some reticence, we bade them adieu, and slept
in a ridiculous sweaty pile, three of us on two chiclet-sized
beds pushed together, all with feet hanging off the edge.
Fantastico.

We’re in Calafate now, and leaving tomorrow to hike in el Parque
Nacional Glaciares. Calafate is a lovely town with a dash of
village and a hint of city, and booming like no other.
Construction is everywhere, and every third shop is for the
turistas. Think Aspen or some other idyllic mountain town before
it got infected with Xtreem Capitalism (coming soon to ESPN 4).
Still, I like it better than B.A. The ratio of windstopper fleece
and goretex to leather has increased dramatically, and dazed
wind-burned gringos tottering about with backpacks large enough
in which to smuggle a small Guatemalan family abound. We’ve
embraced the hostel scene, enduring cubic metres of cigarette
smoke and filthy Euros who seem never to have heard of “soap”.
Regardless, it’s a good time had by all, and it wouldn’t be fun
if it were fun all the time.

we’re about to lose the ability of harnessing electrons to do our
cruel and merciless bidding, and thus you shant hear from me for
a while. Until then, yours truly is over and out.

ciao,

/Alex

ps, as always, to get Jules’ side of the story, be sure to check
out the blog at: http://www.chizang.net/alex/blog/

From guest blogger Jules:

despues de dos dias muy muy muy locas en buenos aires, vamos al calafate en
el sur de argentina. (after 2 really f**kin crazy days in b.a., we went to
el calafate in southern argentina, but bear in mind i dont remember the
correct conjugation of that verb, ir, for the past tense). the insanity that
we cooked up in the big ciudad, once we figured out how to hold the map
right, is more than i can possibly relate, suffice it to say we
got-er-done…

but let me back up and fill in those of you who are not familiar with the
custom in latin america. we eat a little lunch (por ejemplo, empanadas) a
las uno o dos, afterwards we take a siesta (anywhere from 1-8 horas), and
then we wake up around 9 pm, eat dinner at 10 or 11, and then start drinking
and party til dawn. i tell you, friends, this is a schedule i could truly
embrace (particularly in the dreamlike state where jet lag and sleep
deprivation tango). our second night in b.a. was spent in this manner, con
nuestro companero rob knapik (from fort collins) on a quest, no, a holy
crusade, for the perfect restaurant (which ended when we finally found a
reasonable looking one and were too ravenous to keep walking), where we ate
huge fatty gordo gigante platos de comida rico (salmon y steak), washed them
down with 2 bottles of vino, and just when consuming more food seemed
imposible, we then ordered the most extravagant dessert on the menu,
essentially a barge of helados (ice creams), dulce de leche, cookies, etc.
all on top of panqueques dulces, ay ay ay. apparently, our waiter was amused
with los gringos borrachos (drunk honkeys), so he brought us glasses of
champagne on the house.

after this, we stumbled upon an irish pub (some things you never have to
look hard for, en todo el mundo) had whiskeys, guinnii, and “chanchos”
(knapik’s drink, fernet y coca, fernet es un licor egual de jagermeister).
we were dismayed at this point to learn that all the discotecas were closed
due to a freak accident la semana pasada, but not to fear, we convinced our
waiter to bring us home and entertain us until the dawn. we all caught a
taxi, in bucketing rain, when the pub closed (around 4 am), and ended up at
our new friend paolo’s apartment, where we danced away the wee hours to his
cranked-up stereo, braving the rain on his deck, which was several stories
high overlooking the city. finally we made it back to the hotel to pass out
on our chiclet-sized camas at 7:30 am. surreal! un buen tiempo!

of course, all the goings-on of the night made it a bit of a mission to make
our flight at 3:30 pm that afternoon, but somehow, just barely, we pulled
it. and now we have been magically transported from the land of chaos to un
lugar mas tranquilo in el calafate… very reminiscent of some of the
colorado mountain towns, like cb or telluride, but a little larger. when we
sauntered into town, in fact, a feeling of calm like i haven’t had in months
washed over me as i saw the place, one main street, quaint little shops,
perros libros (dogs running around free), and shaggy pack-carrying
mountainfolk (mostly international) all over the place. did i mention the
distinctive skyline of the patagonian andes in the distance. mi corazon es
contento ahora…

we are staying in a hostel, which has good and bad points (namely, the
stinky snoring europeans we are sharing our room with, holy funk, people, do
you ever bathe), and tomorrow (feb. 1) we depart early for el parque
nacional los glaciares, the fitzroy area. we are planning to do a 5-day trek
there, and then return to civilization for a few days before heading further
south. i’m buzzing with anticipation, for so close to the mountains (and
they look every bit as remarkable as i had imagined) i feel i have truly
arrived now. espero que hay mucho sol en la semana proxima… today was
beautiful, sunny, but i understand that we have mucho viento y lluvia (wind
and rain) to look forward to, sooner or later…

ahora, ustedes ojos son cansados from reading all this mumbo-jumbo, so til
next time, take good care,

paz y alma,
jules

From guest blogger Jules:

soy en argentina! que suerte! es un milagro!

we successfully launched the sudamerican mission yesterday, after narrowly missing our first flight to chicago (our space cadet travel agent didnt bother to tell us the flight time was changed to be 30 minutes earlier than we were aware of). with some luck, we raced barefoot through the security lines and hopped on board just as the gates were closing, and a few hours later navigated the vast maze of chicago ohare to find our connecting flight to buenos aires. that was the real committing part. 11.5 hours strapped into an airplane chair, 5000+ miles over land and sea, and several bags of complimentary pretzels later, we finally rejoined with terra firma, another continent, another hemisphere. for the first time after so many months of planning and so many years of desiring, this chance to visit this amazing new place on planet earth at last became real…

we checked into our hotel around 1 pm (after nearly causing an all-out brawl between three taxi drivers at the aeropuerto, ay ay ay) and desperately cranked up the a/c (hace mucho calor en buenos aires this time of year). took a wee nap and then began marching all over downtown b.a. in search of plane tickets to our next destination, el calafate (southern argentina, a portal to the fitzroy area of patagonia). we fly out of b.a. on jan. 30th, and then we are truly out there, at the edge of civilization. monta�as, here we come.

so far, and i speak from 7 hours of experience, things are pretty different here, but not so different… the city of buenos aires is actually suprisingly modern and cosmopolitan, y la gente es muy guapo, tambien. the hardest thing for me is the language… the pronunciation here is pretty unique and the pace is fast, so i dont understand much, but i have been trying my best to speak and force myself to think in espa�ol. if it wasnt for alex, i would be quite lost in communications, indeed, so muchas gracias, buddy. so far, ive already drank the water out of the tap and eaten raw vegetables, so im really rolling the dice on the chancy table of gastrointestinal possibilities… but what the hell, i say, im committed. i want the full experience. tengo hambre!

well, thats all for now, we have a long walk back to our hood and its about to get dark, so stay tuned for more updates as we get further along. just wanted to drop a line to say: phase one complete, dos personas intact. all my best to all of you….

vaya con dios, jules

Hola friends and family,

Just a quick note to let everyone know that we made it safe and
sound. Not much time, but a few quick notes before signing off…

- Buenos Aires is a modern Euro-flavoured country, nothing at
all like Lima or La Paz.

- That said, you can still easily die while crossing the street
here, as every driver seems to be a maniac.

- It’s HOT. Like in the 90s and humid. Egads, I haven’t sweat
this much since the bad old days of living in Texas.

- Spanish is slowly coming back, but the accent here is funny
and not one that I’m used to.

- I’ve already made an ass out of myself by attempting to open
a bottle with the back end of a pocket knife. The woman
watching me came screeching around her counter with a bottle
opener and chastising me, saying “cuidado, cuidado”.

Alright, more to come later; just wanted to let you know I am
still alive (and survived the 13 hour plane trip).

ciao.

/Alex

ps, for those of you who didn’t get my first email, it’s on the
blog at http://www.chizang.net/alex/blog/

Greetings and Salutations!

I’m sitting here and staring at two giant expedition backpacks
stuffed to the gills with the latest technological gewgaws and
doodads (but only two pairs of underwear) and contemplating the
last time in a month that my lower gastrointestinal tract will
resemble anything near normal.

Whoops, perhaps I should back up a bit. Starting in the middle of
the story works occasionally (”in media res” is what we writer-folk
call it), but I can sense that some of you out there in
reader-land are wondering what the hell I’m babbling about.

Right. So some of you I haven’t talked to in a while and others I
probably annoy on a daily basis with my 13-year old’s sense of
humor. But the short story is, at some point in the distant and
sundry past, I got the strange idea in my head that you (yes
you!) might be interested when yours truly went off and did
something queer (as our hobbit friends from The Shire would say).
And thus, you are inducted into my world-famous Bcc: email list.

In a few short hours, I will embark on a plane pointed at Buenos
Aires, Argentina for a month of trekking in Patagonia with my
esteemed companion, Jules Kray[1]. Along the way, I hope to have an
adventure or three and spin a few yarns while sitting around this
virtual campfire I like to call “email”.

If this sounds sucky to you, please let me know and you’ll be
removed from my spam-list (also, I’ll probably hate you forever,
but don’t take it personally, you big jerk). Also, I might
occasionally use bad words and talk *way* too freely about
normally socially-verboten subjects like diarrhea, so if you are
getting this mail at a work account and want me to email a home
account, let me know.

In any case, now that that’s out of the way (and assuming you’re
still reading), the basic idea is to head down to the Fitzroy
area, los Torres del Paine (that’s Spanish for “the Torres del
Paine”), and if’n we’re lucky, Tierra del Fuego. Along the way,
there’ll be camping, trekking, climbing (maybe), penguins,
flamingos, guanacos, whales, and diarrhea (and how!), oh my!

The last time I did something like this[2], I was engaging in
some moderately risky business. My dear old mom didn’t seem to
appreciate the gallows humor about selling my belongings and
donating the proceeds to the Access Fund. Well, this time, Mom,
you’ll be happy to know that my chances of dying are way smaller.

(I suppose my management will be happy to hear this as well so
that our product schedules don’t slip out by another few months.)

I’ll be posting all these emails on my blog. If you want to hear
Jules’ side of the story, her emails will be there too (She’s a
damn fine writer, setting a high bar for me to match. Hopefully
she’ll set it so high that I’ll be able to just walk underneath).
The blog will let you post your commentary on how dumb I am, so I
highly encourage it.

http://www.chizang.net/alex/blog/

But that’s neither here nor there. I’ve nattered much longer than
I ought’ve in order to tell you the simple fact that I’ll be out
of the country until March 1.

ciao!

/Alex

1: To see Jules in one of her better moments, please refer to:
http://www.chizang.net/alex/gallery/2004_10_30-halloween/IMG_0395_copy

2: Chronicles from the last trip are here:
http://www.chizang.net/alex/blog/travelogues/sudamerica2002/

From guest blogger Jules:

hola, mi familia!

this message will serve as your one and only notification that YOU have been
hand-selected to be part of the elite group of fortunate souls that receive
fabulous email postcards from jules as she travels the south american
continent. how does that make you feel? might i suggest, “darn good,” or
perhaps, “freakin awesome.” if your initial reaction was anything akin to,
“i could really do without this useless garbage cluttering up my inbox, i’m
too important and i have better things to do,” please reply and say so and
i’ll take you off the list. but shoot, you’ll be missing out on the vivid
chronicles of my once-in-a-lifetime trip to south america, all the laughs
and crazy times, and then you’ll have to hear about it all second hand,
which is lame. i mean, think about it, you could even put a map up on your
kitchen wall and put little colored pins on it to track my progress, how
much more fun do you want!

so, i hope this message finds you all well and enjoying the various facets
of life, wherever you be. most of you should be aware, but for those that
came in late, i am indeed getting the heck out of here for a few months to
pursue eye-popping scenery, winding mountain trails, alpacas y llamas y
condors y pumas (y mas y mas), fabulous latin culture, all the fun of
communication in a non-native tongue, and so on and so forth. i’ll begin in
buenos aires, argentina, con mi companero alejandro (a buddy i met playing
ultimate in fort collins) and head south to trek the glaciares y montanas of
southern patagonia (the fitzroy and torres del paine areas, then possibly
tierra del fuego). alex will head home at the end of february, and then the
adventure truly begins for solo jules… where i will end up is yet unknown,
but i am intrigued by every corner of the south american continent, so the
world is pretty much my oyster. if all goes well, i plan to wander around
until late april/early may, when i’ll return to the homeland and start
another field season in the colorado mountains. yikes, life is rough…

i depart this thursday, 27 de enero, but fear not, my friends. i may be
leaving you, but you are not leaving me. you are all special people who have
enriched my life in unique and wonderful ways, and i carry you always with
me on my journeys… whenever i am feeling lonely, or afraid, or am stricken
with diarrhea and can’t move, i’ll think about you and everything will be
okay. so, thanks for that.

well, time to say adios, amigos (i really mean that now). hold down the
fort, willya? and take good care until next we meet and give yourselves big
ole goodbye hugs and kisses from me.

all my love,
jules

p.s. to my parents and other persons i still hope to maintain a shred of
respect with (you know who you are), i apologize in advance for the candid
and uncensored nature of all emails from here on out. i might use swear
words and talk about bodily functions. just skip those parts.

Hanging out with some Brazilians yesterday eve, I naturally wanted to find out how to say lecherous phrases in Portugeuse. After being quizzed repeatedly, my new buddy Andre said, “This is definitely a person I would not want to introduce my wife to.”

I couldn’t decide whether this was the best compliment I’ve ever gotten or the worst insult.

Busy busy lately, trying to get ready for Argentina. Also, it seems that I have nothing worthwhile to say, so rather than bore you, I remain silent.

Updates when I become interesting again.

Today, I walk the thin line between sycophancy and unemployment. Nonetheless, like a moth to a flame, I can’t help but write this blog entry…

My boss has a blog. More accurately, Rich Marcello, who is a senior VP and general manager for my division, Business Critical Servers, has a blog. So in a sense, I report to him, but it’s not like I send him weekly status reports or anything.

So what? I mean, lots of high ranking executives at various tech companies have blogs (and they’ve had them for a lot longer too), so why even bother mentioning Rich’s? Two reasons — first, it’s an exec from my company, so naturally, I am inclined to listen to what he has to say.

More importantly, though, is that out of all the senior management I’ve encountered at HP, Rich is the one that impresses me most. He demonstrates a genuine caring for us regular engineers, and that actually goes a long way in today’s environment.

Closer to my heart, however, is that he seems to be immune to the corporate MBA-speak virus that has infected everyone else in management land. His emails are a weird mix of professionalism and personality. In one paragraph, he’s writing about our quarterly financials, and in the next, he’s quoting the Bhagavad-Gita. I’ve never seen anything like this before from … well, I was going to say “managers” or perhaps “senior level VPs”, but let’s face it — how many anyones do you know that can quote Nietszche in their correspondence? I knew exactly one person, and we stopped corresponding after I finished taking his Philosophy 101 course.

So if you’re out there in Alex-blog-reader-land and want to read the thoughts of someone who actually knows what they’re talking about as regards the tech industry (as opposed to me, a dilettante at best and foul-mouthed rube at worst) with a minimum of FUD, check out his blog. I’ve linked to it over on the left hand side. Welcome to the blogosphere (ye gods, how I hate that word) Rich!

In any case, enough of the sycophancy. And now it’s time to spin the unemployment roulette wheel of fortune. Here’s a link to Marcello’s post that inspired my response. As they say in Japan, the nail that sticks up gets pounded down, and creating a trackback ping to my boss’ blog might get me some unwanted attention.

The quote that caught my fancy:

We have over a thousand dedicated software developers working on HP-UX 11i enhancements and we have a very robust roadmap going forward.

Yup, that’s me, Mister zero point zero zero one percent.

One of my alter-egos is that of TradGirl. More specifically, I’m the main editor of a climbing website called tradgirl, and one of the things we do every year is GunksFest. This is a gathering for the insane, as we meet every year on the 26th of December to climb outside in upstate New York and freeze our collective naughty bits off and finally celebrate by drinking beer.

You can see the pics and others here:

http://www.tradgirl.com/areas/ny/gunks/gunksfest.shtml.

In other news, in an article with the headline Masturbating boys cause a stir, here is a priceless quote:

One of the boys, a 14-year-old whose name cannot be revealed because of his age, had no qualms to speak about the incident. “I feel very happy after masturbating next to a woman with beautiful legs and wearing see-through clothes,” the boy said. “There is no girl out there who wants a filthy glue-sniffing street kid so the only way to relieve our sexual appetite is to masturbate,” he explained.

Ye gods, that is the essence of honesty — simple and raw. For what it’s worth, I feel very happy after masturbating next to a woman with beautiful legs and wearing see-through clothes too.