spiderman 2
David over at Mind Poison thought that Spiderman 2 sucked. I’m sorry David, you’re absolutely correct. It did suck. A lot. And that’s after my boss paid for all of our tickets.
David actually put some thought into his review which is more than you can say for what I’m about to write. But then again, if you want intelligent thought, go read his blog. You’re here reading mine, so that must say something about you too, buddy.
First thought — ok, ok, I get it. Peter Parker’s real life is getting him down and he only has a good time when he’s Spiderman. Why do we spend the first 45 minutes of the movie exploring every single reason why his life sucks? This is supposed to be a summer blockbuster. Let’s get into the action already instead of piling the shit on top of more shit. Were this character development limited to one or two scenes, it would be bearable, but I really thought it was overdone.
Second, why did Dr. Octopus have to make his robot arms contain artificial intelligence? This is out of a comic book, so I’m willing to accept the fact that he must have 4 arms connected directly to his neural system so that he can multitask appropriately. If he just had the sort of setup where he is behind a shield and controlling two robotic arms via a joystick setup or something as goes the common nuclear power plant image (think Simpsons here), that protects him from the fusion (more on that later) but it’s still only two arms. Not enough multitasking. Fine, he needs 4 arms, and the only way to control them is to hook them into his spine. But why oh why does he need to imbue the arms with their own evil agenda? Why couldn’t he have just made them neutral extensions of his own nervous system? Then, there would be no controller chip thingy to get fried and the arms wouldn’t have tried to take over Doc Ock and make him evil. They simply would have gone unconscious, just as the good Doctor did. Dumb.
Lastly, I’m again willing to suspend my disbelief since this is a movie based on a comic book. Great, you invented fusion. That’s pretty swell, except when it gets out of control. Then, you either have to pull the plug on the reaction (feasible) or drown it by putting it under water (stupid). I’m no physicist, but the last time I checked, you can’t even put out a grease fire with water, let alone a fucking fusion reaction. No class C fire extinguishers lying around? WTF? Oh wait — I have a brilliant idea! Let’s put out our scary mini-sun by sticking it in water! What’s that you say? The chemical composition of water you ask? H2O, right? Oh shit! Look at ALL THAT FUCKING HYDROGEN WE JUST INTRODUCED TO OUR FUSION REACTION!
Yeah.
