a love letter to instacart

I recently signed up for Instacart Express, which starts you off with a free two-week trial. After last night, I cancelled my subscription before they billed me.

Instacart sent me an automated email asking why, and this was my response:

I really wanted to love Instacart. I thought it was going to change my life.

But my experience during your two week trial has been a clown show.

The first order that was screwed up was XXXXXXX. We ordered shallots and the shopper gave us garlic instead. If you’ve ever cooked anything more complex than a Hot Pocket, you’d know that those items are not substitutes for each other.

On top of this, you charged an incredible $3.69 per shallot. I can only assume these shallots were eaten by civets, crapped out, and then harvested by the only migrant workers in America making a fair living wage.

To your credit, you did fix the issue by re-delivering these magical shallots for free the next morning, and in the end, it was a very minor incident after all.

But tonight was a very special experience indeed. And by “special” I mean, “not special”.

On order XXXXXXX, I placed it quite early in the day with a delivery time for 7 — 8pm.

At 8:30pm, after receiving no update from Instacart, I sent a ping to the shopper asking if there were any issues with the order, and received this text in response:


Pretty brilliant, I must say.

So, in summary, thank you for the free two week trial of your service. I learned that I would have been signing up for a year of disappointment for $99, and for that price, I could donate money to the Trump campaign and gotten far more entertainment value out of it.

Maybe you can make me feel better. But seriously. The Donald. Gotta be better than The Donald.

To Instacart’s credit, they responded quickly, offering me another free month of Instacart Express and a $25 coupon. So, I guess we’ll continue with the experiment, as I really want this service to work for us.

Thanks Michael P!