setting freenode channel passwords

Setting up a password protected channel on freenode involves wrestling with ChanServ, and if you don’t have sacrificial goats handy or an advanced degree in 8th level rune reading, you may be scratching all the hair off your head as you ponder the help that appears during any reasonable google search.

You read the page and think, “ah, I must say /msg ChanServ flags #channel +k mypassword”, but you are wrong. Because then you are missing a username.

Next, you think, “well, I better set this for all users, so I’ll use a wildcard: /msg ChanServ flags #channel *!*@* +k mypassword” but that just doesn’t work.

More googling doesn’t help.

Frustrated, you start feeling empathy with Descartes, wondering if you are the subject of some cruel demon torturing you and tricking you into perceiving a horrible reality where nothing makes sense.

It’s just irc, you tell yourself. ChanServ can’t be that complicated, you tell yourself.

Maybe you’re a stress eater, so you inhale a double-down.


You enter an electric grease-laden food coma, and your spirit animal, a grue, leads you down a twisty maze of passages, all alike, whereupon you enter the Chamber of Knowledge and unfurl the Scroll of Explanation from the Rod of Understanding, and you read it and it says:

/msg ChanServ set #channel mlock +k mypassword